A conversation on motherhood with Liz Sunshine - mother, artist, documentary fashion and portrait photographer based in Melbourne. She is also the author of my relationship with clothes 'a research project exploring our relationship with clothes, trying to understand how clothes make us feel - observing my behaviour and the community around me while creating an online conversation to help people feel a sense of belonging within this space'.
Do you feel comfortable with the identity of mother? Was the transition to motherhood difficult? In what ways?
Yes and no. I had Harry at 29 when none of my girlfriends were having kids. I thought I would always have a family, and the year after I married my husband, Dean, felt like a good time to start.
I loved being Harry's mum, but as a freelance photographer, I went back to work six weeks after he was born. It wasn't full-time, but a day here or there when the job felt right. I was comfortable with my new identity but was also determined not to leave the person I was behind. Motherhood for me was not a switch that changed when my new little person came into the world, it was another poppy in the garden of life.
Being a mother is like breathing, eating or sleeping - it just is a part of me. It will never envelop me entirely as I reach for all the facets of my life, but both of my children ground me and keep me focused on what's important.
Do you think and read about parenting or do you just do it?
Maybe I read parenting once, but now as my smallest baby is transitioning into school, it's much more about doing.
My husband and I are equal parents - we both work and both play. We talk to our kids a lot and watch them grow, keeping an eye on them as their personalities strengthen, and they navigate the world outside our home. Conversations around the dinner table speak to daily highs and lows, friendships and dreams, health, values and how we as a family may live differently from our friends.
We now read books together—books about the environment, plastic, bullying, and incredible true stories.
I think a lot, and while being a working mum has built so much confidence in my kids (and husband), I also want to slow down. As Harry will turn ten next February, I realise how little time we'll have together living under the same roof. He's halfway through his childhood and we won't fit in the same bed for cuddles soon, as his feet are the same size as mine and his long limbs hang out the side of the bed.
Do you manage to fit in self care? How and when?
Self-care is spending time teaching my kids the things I enjoy. It's cooking or gardening. It's teaching my daughter how to take care of her hair. It's thinking about the food we eat and spending time in health food shops combing the shelves for new things to try. It's spending time in nature, camping or going on walks.
It's also seeing friends and spending time alone without guilt. It's stolen moments between a busy life schedule. These moments I crave will be the core memories of this time in my life.
Do you have any parenting cheats/hacks?
A few years ago, Poppy was having a hard time at kinder drop-off, so we started using a mantra I made up, and within a few days, she was skipping into her room.
'Be happy. Be kind. Be confident.'
'Be happy - you can come to this amazing place to create art and play with your friends all day. Be kind - to yourself, your friends and your teachers. Everyone is a person, and you are not alone when feeling nervous. Be confident - that at the end of every day, Dad or I will come to get you. We love you and will never leave you here. We promise we will always come back.'
We said it 10 times in the morning the first day - when she woke, at breakfast, cleaning teeth, putting on her shoes, leaving home, walking to school, out the front of school, going into school, out the front of her kinder room and then inside. Each day, we would say it less and less and within a week we didn't need to say it at all. Drop-off changed and I forgot about the mantra for a while.
Six months later, as only small children can do, she did a dramatic star pose outside of her kinder room door to stop me from going in. She said the mantra under her breath, and we walked in when she was ready.
At that moment, I realised she had been saying it to herself the whole time. I was nervous about a work dinner a week or so later, and I used her mantra with new extended words; surprisingly, it worked. I calmed myself right down and have believed in them ever since.
What has been the most challenging parenting/pregnancy/birth phase for you?
I would say it's probably to come. I worry about phones and social media, mostly because I use it for work myself, and I worry about the future of Gen Alpha's social interactions.
Do you have help from family? What type of help?
My mum will come to Melbourne a few times a year while I head overseas for work. Otherwise, it's just Dean and I. We have family close by, but they are all at different stages of life and don't realise how fun smaller kids can be or how much it would have helped us in the last ten years. Though it's sometimes been a lot, we adore spending time as a family and have found fabulous babysitters that the kids also adore.
How have your friendships changed if at all?
We lost a lot of friends in the beginning, with our new limitations and passions as parents, we saw friendships fall away easily. Now, with kids at school, we are building lots of family friendships with like-minded people and rekindling some of the old. Friendships, I believe, will be lifelong from here on in.
Images of Liz and her children (not in SHRUNK - we only make to a size 4!).
