I fully embrace the identity of 'mother' now, but it probably took longer than I realised at the time. For me, it's been hard to accept how much has been required of my body and my mind. My partner can be equal (or close to) in every other way, but I'm the grower, I'm the birther, I'm the feeder. The weight of that is both the greatest privilege of my life and the most frustrating thing.
I just do it. Having said that, given my podcast Ready or Not is so focussed on motherhood, I take in a lot of wisdom from my guests. I think and talk about motherhood a lot, but for me, it's more from the lens of how mothers think and feel about parenting today as opposed to how to be a good parent.
I am an all or nothing person. One week, it's five yoga and pilates classes. The next, it's working myself to the absolute bone and dropping all forms of self care. I look after myself by cooking good food, trying to read and not scroll at night time, and getting outside when I can. I'm also pretty good at finding little pockets to get away from both kids, especially now that Posie is over six months old and not feeding every five seconds.
Not really, but I am obsessed with automating what we can (toilet paper, nappies, all of that stuff) and being smart with dinners. We'll often do one meal two ways - an Asian tofu dish in noodles one night and with loaded veggie rice the next, chicken san chow boy one night and with Asian greens and rice the next, beef bolognese with pasta one night and in a sweet potato shepherd's pie the next. Anything we can do to save time.
Without a shadow of a doubt, going from one to two children. The immense weight of my body doing so much for someone else for a second time has been big for me. Especially given I'd just stopped feeding Ray when I became pregnant with Posie. It's been beautiful, but big.
We are in the privileged position of having two sets of willing grandparents. They don't do regular care days each week, but they help us plenty. Both sets of parents will often have our big kid Ray for a sleepover, they'll pick him up from childcare and take him for a little outing, or they'll take both kids for some time as I start to return to paid work. I spend so much time with my parents and my heart goes out to people who are without that support.
I think I am just more real, more me. I used to beat around the bush a bit more for fear of ever saying the wrong thing or hurting anyone. That's still something I worry about and that will always be part of my personality, but I am without a doubt more comfortable having the hard conversations and asking someone how they really are.
I don't think it's necessarily a parenting thing, I think it's more a getting older and wise every year thing. Perhaps it's both.
I think I care less, all in all. Having said that, there's nothing like the bodily changes of motherhood to make you feel like you're further and further away from the person you used to be. This is mostly a good thing for me, though.
Sometimes, I can't stand the extra softness that my tummy now carries. Sometimes, I couldn't give two shits because it's carried and nourished the two great loves of my life. I am comfortable with both of these thoughts sitting alongside each other. When the world has told women to find currency in their beauty for so long, it's difficult to simply turn that switch off. But, I'm trying.
