Oh man, that’s a big one. I don’t know that I considered in great depth the idea of motherhood and what that truly meant until I became a mum myself. In so many ways it’s simple. A fulfilling of biological potential, an incredible rite of passage. But it’s also deeply complex, coming to terms with the many ways motherhood changes and challenges us. I absolutely love being a mum and I am so incredibly grateful to have been able to grow and carry my own children. But it is certainly one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, as much for the (sometimes relentless) day-to-day routines as for the way it has made me face things about myself and my own upbringing, which is not always easy.
That said, ultimately, I found the transition to motherhood really fulfilling, despite the hairy moments haha. And the richness it brings into my life and my work is unquestionable. Now, it’s just about balancing priorities between mothering and working and everything else in life. But that never stops.
I mean there are little things around my toddler’s food and sleep etc that I do but I’m sure all mums have their own little methods of managing those daily tasks. Although I will say that when my kids are sick, I always put cut up onions and put them in bowls in their rooms and I put slices of potato in their socks to knock illnesses on the head. Call me crazy.
But I think in a more general sense there really aren’t any shortcuts in parenting. I have to remind myself all the time to listen, to be present, to be gentle with my kids and with myself, to try and understand the world as they see it. It’s a constant, ever-evolving thing.
Hmmm I think for my first born, Vera, it was immediately after her birth. I was disappointed in myself for how her birth had gone (my silly perfectionism wreaking havoc on my self esteem) and then on top of that, everything felt so new and foreign. My body wasn’t mine anymore, my mind felt stretched in different directions. I was challenged in every way as someone who had always felt capable and competent.
For Dree, it was a few weeks in I think. Just coming to terms with all the changes I had gone through again and not feeling like myself. I was more rushed to get ‘back to normal’ after my second because I think I just felt like life had to continue on, I didn’t feel like I had as much time to stop and sink into that postpartum period. But I’m past that now. I’ve come out the other side to find a nice equilibrium.
